Towards the end of January, INeedAttention.com carried an article about Pizza Hut and how ridiculously overpriced they were. I hadn’t been back since, until last night – though you may curious as to why I decided to return, first, I’d rather discuss the circumstances around another incident that happened in January.
David Banach, 38, lived in New Jersey with his wife and children. He lived a rather plain life by most standards, working as a fiber optic cable tester. He owned a green class III laser which he used in the course of his job. The “class III” designation indicates that it’s more powerful than the traditional laser pointer that you’re used to seeing people use for presentations and being annoying in move theaters (those are class I). On the evening of December 29, 2004, David Banach was in his backyard with his daughters and apparently pointed his laser into the sky. He did the same thing again on December 31, 2004.
The problem was that a plane flying overhead at 3000 feet reported that they were ‘blinded’ by some source of green laser light on the 29th. On the 31st, a Port Authority helicopter was flying around Teterboro airport looking for the source of the light, and surely enough, they saw the beam and traced it back to its source. Within minutes, swarms of local, state, and federal authorities converged on the Banach residence and questioned David Banach. Within weeks, it was announced that he was being charged under the Patriot Act.
The Patriot Act, if you recall, was sponspored as anti-terrorism legislation. So considering statements made by the FBI indicating that there was no connection to terrorism, I’m a little bit confused as to why exactly he was charged. To quote, “Last month, the FBI and the Homeland Security Department sent a memo to law enforcement agencies saying there is evidence that terrorists have explored using lasers as weapons. But federal officials have said there is no evidence any the current incidents represent a terrorist plot.” If you’re interested in reading the actual complaint filed against David Banach it is available here.
So, why the title “eat your heart out”? Two nights ago I saw something that everyone in the New York Metropolitan area has probably seen a number of times. I saw lights pointed in the sky, rhythmically moving around, all to signal that something big is happening. It’s not the bat signal, it’s just a truck that has four incredibly intense rotating lights and a generator mounted on the back. This particular night, it was set up at the new location for Paul Miller Toyota in Monsey. I followed the light to its source and although I wasn’t interested in buying a car, I did have a rather interesting conversation with the operator of the vehicle. He told me that it cost as much as $175 per hour to rent such a vehicle and pay for his salary. “The company is huge,” he said, “We’re all over New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania; it’s big business.” Of course, remembering the David Banach case, I had to at least ask if he thought the devices worked. Did they draw people in? How far could people see them from?
“I’ve had people come on a clear night and tell me they saw it 40 miles away.” The man obviously had a great deal of experience pointing lights in the sky, and I believed him just because on Thursday night, it was overcast and even a tad foggy, and I was able to see the lights from Nanuet, when they were being shined all the way from Monsey, a distance of at least five miles.
I would be hard pressed to believe that David Banach’s class III laser, with an effective output power of 5mW, could have been even remotely comparable in output power to the intense lights mounted on the truck pictured below, especially considering that they required their own generator. The Register has published a collection of accounts that even explain that David Banach’s laser would have been nearly completely diffused at 3000 feet, one explaining that the beam would “produce a spot 8+ meters in diameter”, adding that from that distance it would “look like a very weak lamp”. The incredible power output by the truck, however, I believe would probably be more blinding, especially considering that it’s so bright that you can literally see the cohesive column of light reach up to the clouds.
The truck discussed above, putting out light so intense that it produces a solid column of light reaching to the clouds
So the David Banach case is a bunch of bull; another sacrificial lamb being slaughtered to remind us that the government can do what it wants, when it wants. Must it be so? The only hope for David Banach is that a jury of twelve of his peers might acquit him when they hear the technical details behind the case. Of course, I think that with all the resources of the federal government that it’s unlikely, although not impossible. It’s important not to forget that our system is unfair right now; you’re guilty until proven guilty.
But moving on to a lighter subject, the article published about Pizza Hut included a calculation of the smallest slice of pizza and how ridiculous it was. I only returned to Pizza Hut last night because I was given a coupon for a free large or extra large one topping pizza. Between that, and the breadsticks that I paid for, I paid only $2.96 for the entire meal. Of course, it was worth that: Pizza Hut sold me a pizza that contained a slice even smaller than the smallest on the last pie! The slice pictured below measured 5.5″ on its longest side, and about 2″ on it’s curve. Now, assuming that 5.5″ is the radius of the circle, that would make the circumference of the circle equal to 2*pi*r, or 34.5″. Considering the arc length was 2″ in this slice, or about 5.79%, we can safely assume that the slice pictured here has an effective angle of about 20.9� (5.79% of 360�). We can then calculate the area of the sector by using the formula A=(n/360)*pi*r2, where n is the number of degrees of the slice.
Using the above calculations we arrive at a startling figure. Look at the slice below, sure, it looks small, but…
This slice had a total surface area of only 5.5 square inches! The slice that was mocked in the last article was 163% of the size of this slice! Pizza Hut, you really need to wise up and realize that this is bad customer service. I’m glad that you lost money on last night’s transaction, because your business practices are underhanded and embarrassing. Pizza Hut, you are a shame to pizza all around the world – it’s no surprise that your offices refuse to offer comment on, or even acknowledge, this article, but believe me it’s egg on your face.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Andrew // Jul 14, 2007 at 1:36 pm
yo dude i work at pizza n who cares how big the slices r. first off jus eat a bigger slice n a smaller slice n then big slice plus small slice equal the same as 2 regular slices! plus do u really think we try to make our pizza look all that even. obviously most people who work there r teenagers who couldnt care less bout wut customers get. plus sometimes it gets busy n we dont have to time to make sure ur pizza slice follow ur perfect equations on how big a slice of pizza should be. seriously get a life n stop worryin bout how big ur pizza slices r.
2 peteru // Jul 14, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Andrew, it doesn’t take perfect equations to make pizza. I don’t eat at Pizza Hut anymore because of BS like this and because of pinheads like you. If I make just one person go find a better slice of pizza it was worth it to speak out.
3 brittany // Aug 4, 2007 at 10:56 pm
lmao. i work at pizza hut. no one there gives a shit how they cut your pizza and what you think about it. there more imporatant things in life to worry about how big a damn slice of pizza is. i agree with andrew. get a life.
4 nick // Dec 6, 2007 at 12:47 am
i work at pizza hut as well and i reckon that that kind of service is really bad, i mean, we’re only meant to cut 8 slices not 12, and whoever would cut stuff like that has got to be an idiot.
5 Aoi // Jan 10, 2008 at 10:14 pm
… Do you really care if your pizza i cut in half or in 10 slices? c’mon, yo’re just gonna eat it, so what’s te problem in there? Perhaps adding that extra cut wasn’t a great idea, but the pizza is still as good as it would be if it had 8 slices. Don’t worry, i’ll give you my adress so you can send me the next pizza that has an extra slice if you want to
6 random // Jan 12, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Ive worked at pizza hut for the last 4 years and it is shit! If you want good customer service do not go to pizza hut! Im only working there until i find another job.
But trust me, if your busy and on cut, you really dont care how even the slices are!
7 Megan // Feb 22, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Ha. I work at Pizza Hut too. Which seems to be the kind of comments this article is attracting, which just poses the question “Who the hell works at Pizza Hut and is googling it?”
Anyways–I mostly work at cut table. Also known as.. well, the people that cut your pizza. Obvious enough, eh?
And the thing is, I try to cut the pizzas into exact slices. But it is difficult when you have fifteen coming out at the same time and they’re about to fall off of the oven and you have delivery drivers complaining to the left and right of you.
So you do have to realize that, if it was a busy night (friday, saturday, snowing, etc) they probably were in a hurry. Its not idiocricy, its the fact that we’re not given a lot of time to prepare a perfect piece of pizza.
Other than that, I wouldn’t really eat there. I mean, have you looked at the caloric content? Good god.
8 Moe // Feb 27, 2008 at 3:57 am
Imma agree with Megan there, when its busy and ur cutting fast its not easy to get even slices. Thats why pizza hut changed its Large size cuts from 12 to 8, because people actually complain about uneven cuts, well guess what its not as easy as it looks to eye out where to cut a circular piece of pie with a bunch of crap on it. its like telling someone to draw a perfect circle. The service, well that depends on where you live and how the management is (franchise, corporate, etc.). However the fact that you are stating that service is terrible based on your biased opinion on the size of the slices is pretty pathetic. This is what customer satisfaction has done to our country, cheapass people go to fastfood expecting a 99c cheeseburger served on a gold platter with a 5 star service, 2 personal waiters and someone thats shining their shoes while they eat(obviously i overexagerate).
Secondly, you say that pizza hut is overpriced? its like 15 bucks for a large that feeds up to 3-4 people. Last time i went to Carls Jr i payed 8 bucks for a medium size meal. So since ur such a genius with calculations and formulas go ahead and multiply 8 by 3 and you get 24, which last i checked is more then 15.
Keep your useless bitching to yourself.
YUM Brands > You
[Editor’s reply: And, for the record, you owe me a shoe shining.]
9 Nickole // Feb 27, 2008 at 10:19 am
I work at pizza hut in small town, and we don’t have much business except on friday’s and even then it isn’t that busy. But let me say something…If you have time to make an equation about how big a freaking slice of pizza is you must be one of those 45 year olds that live in your parents basement. Grow up and get the hell over it. Its just pizza. Unless you don’t have the right toppings you ordered why the hell do you care how big the slices are. Its all going down the same. Be freaking grateful you even have a place to get pizza. If you don’t like your pizza take your business somewhere else. Trust me your not hurting the corporation. Is our world seriously going down hill so fast people have to fight over how big a slice of pizza they have when you have 10 other slices to choose from. Ugh you irritate me. GROW UP! I have bigger things to worry about then a SLICE OF FREAKING PIZZA, that by the way is going to look even worse when you shit it out! And next time keep your stupid opinions to yourself. You seriously made yourself look like an idiot by getting mad over this!
[Editor’s reply: Indeed I’m humbled by your rhetoric that taking my business elsewhere doesn’t hurt the business. But you seriously made yourself look like an idiot by getting mad over this.]
10 Bridgette // Mar 10, 2008 at 7:18 am
I’m a pizza hut employee as well ( have been for three years) and i understand your complaint. I work as a cutter, waitress, cook, and receptionist. I am also the person who takes the orders over the phone and I hear all the complaints that come with those orders. So I have heard these complaints before and we really do care about what you have to say. idk about the other people, but we really try hard to cut everything as best we can, but we’re only human. We make mistakes, too. (mostly because of the heat of working next to a giant furnace and fatigue sets in quick, not to mention cutting yourself pretty bad when your muscles get too tired to hold the blade right anymore). So I agree with Megan that yes, it is extremely difficult to cut them accurately, but quickly, all at the same time but we try our damndest anyway. So please give us a lil bit of credit here and there- all we hear are complaints about orders being wrong, but never get so much as a thank you when we get it right. We go through thousands of orders every day and with a business as large and busy as ours, we’re bound to make mistakes and more often than the smaller pizza places. So keep that in mind when your doin your calculations and grumbling to yourself. We try our hardest and we really are sorry that it wasn’t made to your liking but thats life and hopefully you can overlook this one incedent. PIZZA HUT IS STILL AWESOME!! Give us a second chance and don’t break out the math formulas on us and we’ll b happy and so will u ^_^
11 JR // May 7, 2008 at 8:46 am
Considering the source of the majority of comments on this page, I’m definately NOT eating at Pizza Hut!
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