INeedAttention.com

I walked into work 30 minutes late today. Twenty of those minutes were spent writing and delivering a letter. The other ten minutes were spent as I cried in the parking lot outside my building, embarrassed to face my coworkers in the state I was in. I composed myself, exited my car, walked to the door of the building, limbered up the stairs, and opened the door to the test lab. The smiles on my coworkers’ faces were infectious to me, and as they greeted me I too greeted them. Despite my best efforts to move to my chair and start my terminal without having to talk to anyone, I was engaged by my peers. They were making conversation about my weekend and suddenly I felt a paralysis come over my tongue.

Unable to speak, feeling my nose start to congest, staring dead on at the computer screen in front of me, I felt tears run down my face again. As I write this alone in front of that same computer hours later, I still can’t hold myself back. Not for a second did I lead on to my coworkers that anything was wrong. I haven’t said a word to them all morning. I wonder if they even think that I seem quiet today. It’s killing me to look at people and talk to them today because for some reason, everyone has been nice to me today (except the one complete retard that filed a complaint against me on Amazon.com because they can’t receive my farking emails and blame me for poor communication; enjoy the spam you get when my site gets indexed by web crawlers, olnowich@aol.com).

Life comes full circle though, right? I only feel now the way I’ve made other people feel other times. And, despite how I feel now, I know that life goes on. I’ve had a great run in the last few months; I can’t thank you enough for that. I wish I was better; I know I’m trying. Surely that means something.

Here’s to the future.

Love always,
-Pete

“What’s there left to wait for?
Wait for?
I wait.”
–The Get Up Kids, “Action and Action”