INeedAttention.com

Local officials in Rockland county are seeking a ban on offensive advertising after a grand opening advertisement for an adult store infuriated a handful of whiny, uptight, sexually repressed residents. According to the Rockland Urinal news, residents said they were mortified to see two smoking-hot bikini-clad women standing — yes, standing — in children’s-sized swimming pools and splashing — yes, splashing — each other with water while holding signs advertising the store, called The Bedroom. If women think they can just be visible in public, and splash each other playfully in pools, what’s next? Will they want to vote? Be paid equal to men? Or even worse — drive cars?

“This is disgusting,” said Gail Gisonni, 45, who was driving to the neighboring ShopRite on Saturday with her two teenage sons when she saw the advertisement. “You don’t do this in the middle of the daytime on a Saturday afternoon.”

OK, Gail, so when should they have done it instead? We must make sure your grocery shopping schedule is accommodated any time girls want to wear swim wear in public view. After all, you have a right to oppose women’s sexual liberation! Men have been oppressing women sexually for thousands of years, so it’s nice that a smart piece of ass like you finally got hip with it. It’s about time. And it’s not like New York allows women to be topless and bare breasted in public or anything. By the way, you might want to sit down and talk with your teenage boys about the dangers that estrogen poses to their developing minds and bodies.

But this story gets better, since people far more important than Gail became vocal about this as well.

County Legislator VJ Pradhan said he saw the advertisement over the weekend as he was driving on Route 59 and that he would look into drafting a local law or resolution that would prohibit such advertising. “I told my wife, ‘Oh, my God, look at this, this is shocking,'” he said. “This kind of thing, to me, is very obscene and I’m going to see if I can put some ban. This does not belong in Rockland County.”

OK, VJ, if it doesn’t belong in Rockland County, where does it belong? Once you name a place, we’ll contact the residents there and see how they feel about your comments. I find it pretty hysterical that you told your wife to look. “Look honey, look at those girls and their youthful, supple bodies, with their bountiful breasts glistening in the summer sun. Honey, are you looking? You must look!” You probably just had to save face because your wife was with you, and you are so whipped you couldn’t even enjoy it in front of her without her flying off the handle.

You know what I find ‘obscene’? The acting in old-school Bollywood movies. But I’m not trying to pass laws against their public exhibition. It is your attitude to law as a solution for suppressing that which offends you — that is what does not belong in Rockland County — that belongs in Iran or some other supposedly hostile and repressive regime.

Maybe, VJ, you should ask yourself why another adult store opened in our community. They opened because there are people giving them business. Those people are Rockland County residents. Unless, of course, you think the stores are so compelling that they draw crowds from afar. If you don’t like their business, don’t shop there. Even encourage others not to shop there. But for you to suggest that making a law is the answer is downright pathetic and un-American.

Given your stated aspiration to draft legislation intended to apparently prohibit female swim wear, I ask you this: how much covering must an American woman wear? You may be aware that authoritarian, fundamentalist Muslim countries require their women to wear burqas. Perhaps that is the level of attire you desire?

After all what if a child sees even the slightest bit of a woman’s skin? Their psyche could be shattered for life! The time for burqas by law in America is now! Just think of the children!