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Those wacky christians are at it again! In a rather ironic turn of events, the same uptight christian asshats that call the police everytime a group of teenagers use colloquialisms were ticketed for violating noise ordinances. The pastor said that, “it was church music. It was nothing crazy.” Apparently, he doesn’t understand that if it was Marliyn Manson music, or perhaps Rave music, that the organizers of the event would have likely been ticketed. Is god exempt from the law? Well, the pastor went on to say, “we don’t want any problems, we just want to worship the lord.” Isn’t that phenomenal! Well, they just want to worship the lord. Shiat, I just want to make sure god could hear me all the way up there, I don’t want any problems. Or, wait — I don’t want any problems, I just want to get to work on time so that’s why I drive so fast! The police officers claimed that they felt bad that they had to issue the ticket, but their position is quite simple. If the police are receiving noise complaints, then they’re obligated to respond. I applaud the police for ignoring the potentially politically charged situation and performing their job. Kudos.

Meanwhile, halfway around the world, there are other asshat christians that are trying to keep culinary students from practicing their trades with real alcohol. These are culinary students, folks, not students at the University of Colorado at Boulder. Seriously though, I fail to see how the prohibition of educational uses of alcohol can be beneficial. Well, while we’re at it, we might as well prohibit the use of sherry wine, since it does contain alcohol. Hell, we also might as well ban scientific uses of denatured alcohol. Even though it would make a person sick upon imbibation, the potential for abuse exists. We as humans must do all that is possible to stave off these heathenous behaviors! Oh, that was sarcasm. We live in a global society with a preventitive attitude. What ever happened to the concept that a person would commit a crime and then be held responsible? Now we hold people responsible for crimes that haven’t been committed yet by making virtually everything a crime and preemptively making their behaviors socially unacceptable.

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that religion and politics are best left apart.