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In my imagination, I’ve been asked repeatedly: why so few updates to the site lately? As a humorist, these days, my job is made obsolete, thanks to the hilarity that is Sarah Palin. Without even trying to, in the short span of weeks, she has established herself as a subtle comedic genius whose unparalleled ineptitude has appealed to the intellectually devoid American public.

Latte-sipping elitists like myself are frightened to think what happens if McCain wins the election, since he’s so old that he could literally go any minute now, we could wind up with ‘President Palin’. The sheer thought drives me to drink. And drink we will.

But let’s stay positive! With any luck, the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin will be a complete train wreck for the McCain campaign. So tonight, when Sara ‘Barracuda’ verbally spars with Joe ‘Brainiac’ Biden, enjoy some beers by playing the drinking game below. We’ll be playing live online tonight!

VP Debate Drinking Game Rules

It’s just a game, it’s all about fun, so make up your own rules if these don’t suit you. It’s just a suggestion!

1. After agreeing on a place to drink, make sure each player has at least a six-pack of beer. After all, almost everyone is expecting this to be a wildly entertaining train wreck. You won’t want to miss this, and you won’t want to run out to the store for more beer once the debate has started and you’re already drunk, so stock up early! Don’t forget to think about how you’ll get home once it’s over. No one wants you to drive drunk, even though most of us drunk would still have a higher mental capacity than Sarah Palin.
2. Convene everyone around a TV a few minutes prior to 9 p.m. (eastern time), so that everyone is ready to begin.
3. At 9 p.m., crack those beers open, and get ready to drink!
4. Drink in sips, not gulps, and god help you don’t use shots of hard liquor – we want you to survive to vote in November. Follow the following rules:

• 1 sip when Biden or Palin says any of the following words or phrases:
  • ‘Ack’madinejad
    Sarah and John both have a nasty habit of sharply over-pronouncing the name of the President of Iran. Drink when they start his name with “Ach” (like “hock”) not “Ah” like “Ma”
  • ‘Bridge to nowhere’
    Sarah’s most famous and most ridiculous failure of an earmark project
  • Earmark
    Despite being a small fraction of the federal budget, this is apparently a big issue now (yea, right)
  • First names
    “Gwen” (moderator), “Joe” or “Sarah” (opponents), or the first name of any audience member. Sometimes they will also tell anecdotal stories about some person, that counts as well
  • ‘Nukeyaler’
    Palin, like the President, is also incapable of properly pronouncing “Nuclear”
  • Petraeus
    General Petraeus is the commander of forces in Iraq
  • Terrorist
    You know, those guys that hate us and stuff. Drink when either candidate delivers a vague warning about an unspecified terrorist threat. Do not drink if a specific group is referenced, e.g., Al Qaeda or Hamas, only drink when the word ‘terrorist’ or ‘terrorists’ is used.
• 3 sips (or drink for three seconds) when Biden or Palin says any of the following words or phrases:
  • 9/11
    “September 11”, “That day in 2001″or any direct reference to the attacks of September 11, 2001 count as well
  • ‘Main Street’ vs. ‘Wall Street’
    Both must be mentioned in the same sentence
  • ‘Orgy of spending’
    Obama used this memorable phrase to describe the current fiscal policy of the U.S., and we hope to hear this line used many times again in the future
• 3 sips (or drink for three seconds) when any of the following events happens:
  • A candidate thanks the audience, moderator, or host for having them or asking that question before attempting to answer the question
  • Moderator Gwen Ifill repeats a question a second and third time because the candidate failed to answer adequately
  • Palin infers that a question is unfair, or a ‘gotcha’, etc. This is somewhat subjective, but if she attempts to imply that answering a question means she is being targetted unfairly, drink.

This should adequately get you drunk, while enjoying the debate. There are also some special rules:

• Barracuda
  If Sarah Palin is referred to as “Sarah Barracuda” in any way, all players must immediately sing the hook from Heart’s famous hit “Barracuda”, then quickly chug whatever drink they already had, then get a fresh drink. If she is called this a second time, simply sing the hook from the song, there is no need to drink again.
• Crying
  If Sarah Palin cries, finish the beer you are drinking before she is finished crying. If you have not finished your beer, you must immediately drink an additional beer.
• Surge
  When either candidate uses the word ‘surge’, all players must scream ‘surge!’, and then quickly chug whatever drink they already had, then get a fresh drink. If the word ‘surge’ is used again later, simply shout ‘surge!’, there is no need to drink again.
• “They know nothing!”
  When either candidate references The Federal Reserve or the U.S. Treasury by saying any of the following phrases, all players must scream the corresponding phrase from Jim Cramer’s famous meltdown in 2007, then take 1 sip.
  • Ben Bernanke
    Shout “He knows nothing!”, then drink 1 sip
  • Federal Reserve or “The Fed”
    Shout “The fed is asleep!” or “They need to open the darn Fed window!”, then drink 1 sip
  • Henry Paulson or “Hank Paulson”
    Shout “He is a shame!” or “He is shameful!”, then drink 1 sip

With that said, please enjoy tonight’s debate while you consume massive amounts of beer.

NOTE: I will update this if anyone else has any good ideas, please share! And please join us tonight on Blog TV at where we will be playing the game live on a special episode of Hot Blooded Gaming (starts at 9pm ET).